First month down

So first month down... Lost 8lbs total. Need to wrap my head around that because It seems like It should be so much more. But Avg of 2lbs a week is actually really healthy weight loss.

What it really comes down to is I was hoping for like 10 or 15lbs the first month. But it's all good. I'm losing every week and that is what is important.

I might take my measurements tomorrow. If I can find where I wrote the first ones. Sigh. I should have written them in my planner. But you know that whole you don't like what you see so you try not to look again.

I often wonder if we see ourselves how we really are? Do we see ourselves bigger or smaller? Do I look older to myself than what other people see? That one I know is the case as people tell me all the time I Look like I'm 30/35 and I'm 49... I think because I am seeing the aging I notice the fine lines they don't.

So moving forward.... I don't know if I should set a weight loss goal for myself.  I have been on a yo-yo far too long with diets and I fear if I start to do that and I don't make one I will be back to feeling like I did when I dieted so many times over the years.
I am also still wondering if I should just get the sleeve. Maybe the weight would come off faster. But surgery. Surgery can be tricky, scary and just because I had a friend who is having no problems after hers doesn't mean I won't.  She can pretty much eat what she wants she just gets full fast.
I have talked to others who can no longer eat many of the foods they love because they get sick if they do.

 I hate that weight has filled my life with a constant struggle since I was a teenager. Hell, my first diet was at 18 and been doing them since.. Best diet I was ever one. Mono with strep throat. I was so sick I was in the hospital. I dropped about 25/30 lbs and went from a size 10/12 to a size 5.
I really don't recommend it. It's painful, you are tired all the time for months and well guess what you gain all the weight back because you can actually eat when you couldn't eat or drink for 2 months basically. And No I would do this over again even I could. It was horrible and I don't even wish that on my enemy. But it was the one time in my entire life I could fit into a two piece.  And if you're wondering. Hell no I didn't get it on purpose.

Well is the start of another month. And I'm dosing up tomorrow. Should have today but totally forgot. I'm at 1.8 at the moment. Going up 3 clicks tomorrow. I am also going to try to go out and get some breakfast shakes or something this week. I think I'm not taking in enough calories and that makes your body feel like it's starving and it tries to hang on to the weight. So that might well be my issue. That and more water...

Okay later......