Looking through my own window and what do I see. So many changes and I feel like they never stop. There never seems to be that settle in place. Perhaps I just don't totally know my place? I do on many levels. I belong to my love Trever. He makes me so incredibly happy. With any relationship you have your little tiff. But one thing I can always says is he and I ALWAYS talk it out before we fall asleep. I think there has only been one time we didn't. He takes very good care of me. There lies some of my issue. Someone is always taking care of me. And now I need to ask the state to take care of me because I know there is no way I could hold down a job. I am in way to much pain on a regular basis. Fibro totally sucks. I'm trying to find my place so in my mind I can come to terms with things, come to terms with what Trever does for me, that I need to continue to pursue SSI. I stop to think what do I do to contribute. Life and relationships require team work. I take care of the house (though there are days I can't so I don't do crap that day), I take care of meals, all the stuff a Homemaker would normally do. Trever loves it that way, and on some level I do as well. But I am working on being okay with it for myself because I already know he is okay with it. One thing I am doing it I have gotten back into creating art including painting shoes. I am not trying to sell them. I have no idea if it will work out but I don't know if I don't try and I don't plan on stopping at shoes. I plan on making other things as time goes by. I enjoy creating and on the days I do artwork I don't want to stop. It feels good. So I want to keep doing it. I can't wait till I have a room to do it in, right now its all over the house in different area's. I also go my sewing machine out.. Like I have room for all of it. I guess I am going to just have to stop having people over LOL because the house looks like a craft lodge.

I have so many cool idea's I want to try. I am going to try Ebru painting. Its a Turkish style of painting that looks very interesting to me. Its good for me to be doing what I am because its keeping me from being in a ball of nothingness. So I guess the real point of it is to keep my hands and mind busy, not to make money. Money is just a bonus if it happens. I have been in incredible pain these days. I try not to post about it or anything because I don't want to be one of the kind of people that are crying about it all the time. Doesn't mean I never post about it. I even feel funny about posting it here, but I'm going to because I need to acknowledge that there is nothing that is my fault about my pain and stop blaming myself for being the way I am. Funny how you have a disease and you blame yourself for getting is. Pretty silly I guess. Today the biggest issue is my allergies. The Cats are killing me. Not anything I can do about it. even with meds its not helping. I think sometimes it adds to my frustration with Odie. And I'm working on it but it boils down to I hate all the cat hair in the house. However for now it is what it is and I'm am dealing with it. At some point the kitty's will be gone and this will not be an issue. I had just thought I would have had less allergies by now like I have with other cats. Maybe its because there are two who know. Either way it is a situation that no one has any control over and I am going to deal with it day by day and try not to let it frustrate me so much. I know its not easy for Emmy or Andrew because they know that the cats are affecting me. And they have no control over it either. There is more I could write about but it will wait because Trever just got home from work and I want to spend some time with him. I think the weekend coming up we don't have any plans.. That is a first in a long time. We will see if that last. LOL. Better to be busy than bored.