Two steps forward, two steps forward, two steps forward.

I posted today on facebook that you can't make progress unless you are willing to take steps to make changes. And that today I took two steps forwards. Really I took that on the 10th of February. I want to be healthier. I want to be happy. In january I was really down. I posted one day that it doesn't matter if you have quantity of life if you have no quality of life. I have not felt like I have had a quality of life in a long time. I have not felt like myself, my happy self in far too long. I feel wrapped in pain everyday. But wrapped in pain means no life right? Well I used to think it did. But so long as there is a breath in my body damn it I'm not going to stop living. I may hurt to bad to work outside the home. I may not be able to stand for long periods of time. I have a hard time taking steps often, well more often than not. There are days I cry from the pain. I can't make the pain go away. What I can do is stop letting it own me!! Pain you don't own me. You don't own my mind or my spirit. They are mine. I am taking two steps forward. Its not going to be easy and there maybe days harder than others but I'm going to TRY... So on Feb 10th I decided to do things I said I would never do. I gave up Sugar, grains and dairy. I allow myself these things once a week. I allow myself a smoothie after I work out. yep that is right. I'm working out now. Its hard, it kicks my ass and sometimes makes my fibro flare more, but I am starting to feel so much better because I'm moving moving moving. I plan on doing this for a few weeks because if I do it for a few weeks I will change the way I look at myself, I will change the way I see food and I will learn to not let my pain own my mind and spirit. Even after a few weeks I don't think I will go back to just eating shit all the time like I have done for years. I think a lot of the stuff I eat is why I hurt sometimes. In just the couple of weeks I have been doing this my IBS has been way better. I have been nauseated and had a terrible taste in my mouth for the past year now. I have not had either in a week now. Well I take that back. I had it a bit on sunday because saturday is my day I allow myself stuff and well I had way to much dairy. So mental note. don't do that again. lol It helps that Trever is doing this as well. Together hopefully we will be healthier walking down the isle.. Hell just in general. This has nothing to do with the wedding. I also learning new things to eat, new ways to make foods I already loved without components I normally would have used. Spices are the best thing ever. Not that I didn't already know that, I did. Anyway. I figured perhaps I will start blogging again. Write about my progress, have a place to put things on my bad days and good days.