And you should know.

So as of late my blog is about my changes, my struggles in those changes etc...

Part of the change in my life is that probably by the end of the year I will be divorced from my husband Rick. It might seem like it would be an easy thing. We have not really been physically together for 6 years or close to that. But, its not... It is necessary because we are not in love anymore. We both have someone we love very much. We are both engaged to other people. Time changes us all.

I have very little regrets in life. The few I do have are things like I wish there were things I could have done with my kids that I just couldn't afford to do, I wish I would have had more time with my mom, I wish I would have taken care of myself a lot better a long time ago, and I wish that Rick and I could have figure out how to communicate a long time ago. Was always like pulling teeth to get him to talk to me. Most of all I regret that my daughter is having a hard time with this.

It didn't dawn on me that the divorce would be hard for either of my kids. Its been so long since Rick and I have been together and its been 3 years since we lived together that I thought for them it was pretty much like it had already been so. But she is struggling with it. Breaks my heart to see hers breaking. Its not easier either because her dad doesn't seem to come around. That part I'm not sure why. I guess only he knows what is going on in his head. All I know is her pain because she shares it.

Crystal I just want you to know that this is not easy. Its not easy to throw away such a long relationship. Your dad and I have technically been married for almost 26 years. So no its not easy to just walk away from. Please understand that I have had to face a lot of emotional ups and downs and pain over the past few years as I looked back on what could have been, or should have been but wasn't. But, what I took from that is that your Father and I have two amazing kids. Our time together was not for nothing. We have helped each other though so many things. Yes there were times we hurt each other as well. And some of that is still healing I'm sure. I know for me it is. We are still friends. We talk, we even see each other from time to time and I don't plan on kicking him out of my life anytime soon. I still love him. I'm pretty sure he still loves me.

You can fall out of love with someone, but when there was no real terrible thing that made you split up other than you both grew in different directions and fell out of love you still care about the other person. Sometimes perhaps people have a hard time understanding but it doesn't matter. This is hard on you I know, but know that you don't have what some have had. Parents who fight and can't even be in the same room. Hell your dad is at the top of my invite list for the wedding. So take that with you on your journey to mend your heart. Understand things really will be no different once a piece of paper is signed than they are now.

So part of my change this year is moving on from that part of my past and finding it anew with it just being a friendship that I hope will last a lifetime because even unmarried I still picture your dad as always part of my life someone. I'm not sorry that its over. I wish I could have changed the way it ended. But I'm incredibly happy!!!

This song has always kind of made me tear up when I hear it because it kind of says it.


I love you and its okay to talk to me about how you feel.